im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
