I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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