Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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