By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
