I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
