apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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