We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
