so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
