My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
