If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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