You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
