it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
