guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
