Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
pray to the hookup gods
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
