Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
