I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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