we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
