Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
"it" just moved
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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