Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
there is glitter all over my balls
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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