I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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