No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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