Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
