The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
