I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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