In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
