real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
