Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
