we have officially lost it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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