you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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