Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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