I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wrigley field is MILF paradise
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
