Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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