My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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