yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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