drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
