fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
