we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
