eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
