Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
