he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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