If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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