My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dick very happy bro
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
