CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
