ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?

  Fav 45 1835 839

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.

  Fav 13 1081 2789

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.

  Fav 6 1139 4150

  share tweet
  

• (894): View more from

  just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit

  Fav 16 7555 1143

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy

  Fav 17 1179 6209

  share tweet
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.

  Fav 6 3536 1055

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

  Fav 18 5750 1666

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?

  Fav 13 892 1431

  share tweet
  

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.

  Fav 2 1197 748

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?

  Fav 14 1265 561

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking

  Fav 2 623 416

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..

  Fav 11 487 771

  share tweet
  

• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.

  Fav 1 55 20

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping

  Fav 1 100 14

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (407): View more from Florida

  THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION

  Fav 0 13 21

  share tweet
  

Randomize