I just pynch a tree in the face
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
