Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
