i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
