Say something about gay babies.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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