Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
sarcasm needs its own font
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
