is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
