Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
