its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
