There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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