Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
