you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
