i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sarcasm needs its own font
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
