Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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