I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We're too hungover to prance.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize