last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This couple is walking their pig around campus
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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