Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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