I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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