We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
