I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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