I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
