Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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