whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
